The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time. – Bertrand Russell
The pregnacy of my deams is still making me fat, really bad and no more productive, I’m swallowin my won lies small by small, I’m turned into a regular shape, I don’t knwo how to expres it, but in dep I’m really suffering.
I’ve lost the map of joyness and got into a dark path, when looking back to my brighter childhood, I still can see that calm kid that have have been in the crowd of spiritual confidence, no matter how the world is bad, I just can see the light beyond any winter’s night.
I have started speaking with a vulgar vocabulary at 17, a little late, I’ve drunk my first glass of wine at 18, I’ve kissed a girl no earlier than the 21, and I have experienced all the unholy stuff till that, the all prohibited pleasure were in my basket …
I don’t know if I am wrong or not, I’m just living as I want and the most harming in all this tragedy, I’ve lost many of my skills. I don’t know how would I be afetr 5 or 10 years, I wonder if I’ll be still that kid, that kid was good, innovative and energitic and it’s not a question of a lost generation, the disease is inside me, It’s my own punishement for that rubbish, and I’m not talking about drinking or something else, I’m talking about my brain damage, this one is due to life, yes our life is shitty, pragamtic and meaningless.
The contrast of all this speech is that I’m really lucky, I have a permanent job, I’m living 10 meters to the office where I work, I love my parnets and parents who are living healthy and happy, I have many stupefuant friends, I have been one of the first bloggers of Tunisia … I don’t exactly what’s wrong with me ? Perhaps I need more my mam’s love, my two last love stories have been a ko and just made me more sick.
And finally I feel happy, yes I’m happy cause that little Karim smile is too powerfull to get off for a millions of years.